The Child Doctors Told Us Not To Have

If you ever had a moment to be around E you would instantly fall in love with his checks, his smile, his long eye lashes.  He has the sweetest most loving personality.  He is out right our blessing, our miracle, our bonus child. 

After M was born we had complications that took a huge toll on our family.  A great blessing that the complications had nothing to do with M but with me.  After a period in the hospital the doctors told us not to have more children.  What a big blow.  We had a healthy baby.  I had a healthy pregnancy.  It was just the aftermath.  We always knew we wanted at least one more child, if those same complications came than we would handle them.

When M was 18 months old I got really sick.  Toxic Shock Syndrome (TSS).  Doctors told Chad that if he had  waited 24 hours to call 911 they would have been planning my funeral.  After being in ICU for a week and getting better I had the same complications that took place after M was born.  This time again hospitalized as doctors tried to figure everything out.  Once again we were told not to have more children.  It would not be during pregnancy that there was a problem it was just the potential of after.

We took a long time going down that road.  Knowing that this was a big decision.  We always felt that we might go through the complications but at least we would be holding a baby.  So after TSS and the complications I was left feeling empty.  

M was 3 1/2 years old when we decided to try to have another one and pray that no complications came about.   I remember praying for us to have a boy so I could feel okay with being done.  Praying that everything would be smooth sailing.  

This time we had no complications with me.  However E was born at 33 1/2 weeks.  He was a healthy 5  1/2 pound baby boy.  What a big baby!  He spent 2 1/2 weeks in the hospital.  Those 2 1/2 weeks even though they were hard and challenging we knew that he was supposed to be there.  It gave me time to focus on healing and knowing that he was in the best possible care.

Now our baby boy is 3 1/2 years old and as we come to the conclusion that our family is complete.  We stand in awe and gratitude.  

Gratitude for having the sweet little boy that we do.  I know that everyone has their trials and struggles in life that mold and shape them into the person they are.  

Though I am grateful for my trials and my struggles.  They have taught me so much.  They have taught me empathy to situations that I never understood before.  In life you can learn from experience.  Though my favorite quote is "A wise man learns from experience.  A super wise man learns from others experience."

One thing that I can look back and share that got me through those trials was a long time ago I started a "Gratitude Journal".  I would just write what I was grateful for.  During the toughest of moments try it.  Pull out a piece of paper and write.  "I am grateful for...(and then fill in the blank)."  During those moments in life when you just can't think of anything stop and really think.  What am I learning from this?  How can what I am learning benefit others?  How can I grow from this?  What is this teaching about me?  What kind of an example am I being (to my child) in how to handle the trails in life that one is given?  

Gratitude is an art of painting an adversity into a lovely picture.  ~(Kak Sri)